Empty Bed Blues

This is how I feel most nights.

Except I kind of lay crosswise across the bed, with my head on Eric's pillow. Hogging all the blankets.

I don't like going to bed when he is gone. It's just sad to me, going upstairs by myself. Lying in bed, alone, trying to fall asleep. With only my imagination to keep me company. I hear a sound, I assume there is a serial killer in the house. Or I wonder what Eric is doing, and then I start to worry about him. So usually I stay downstairs, on the computer or reading, until I am almost falling asleep. Then I make my way upstairs. Even then, completely exhausted, I have a hard time to fall asleep.

Really, I should be used to it by now. Eric has been deployed for over 6 months now. We've been married 4 years, and he's been gone nearly half of it. So why does sleeping by myself still bother me so much?